Saturday, July 31, 2010

Cell Phone

Music and Lyrics © 2010 Mazurka Wojciechowska

Well you’re talking on a cell phone (cell phone)
Annoying all the folks around you (cell phone)
Well you’re talking on a cell phone (cell phone)
Oblivious to the damage you do (yes, you!)
Well you’re talking on a cell phone
In your hand that thing’s a real hell phone
Well you’re talking on a cell phone, you self-centered oaf
You think it’s all about you.

            Well you're steering with your knees cuz you’re talking while you drive
            It’s a wonder anybody in your path is still alive
            Your reaction time is slow or not at all,
            Hey! Was that a stop sign?  Ooh, gotta take this call!


            Well you talk in the restaurant on a date
            And you talk during church cuz it just can’t wait
            Your incessant blabbing is out of hand
            And that’s why you’re getting this reprimand


            Well you talk on the train and standing in line
            I’d like to shove that phone where the sun don’t shine
            I bet you even talk on the toilet in the loo
            Well, watch out, we’re gonna play a trick on you! 


Mazurka Wojciechowska, Lead Vocal/Accordion; Jason Monroe, Bass Guitar; Logan Huber, Drums; Cameron Huber and Jackson Lake, Badd Boys; Valerie J. Glowinski, Camera; Katherine Monroe and Jen Parkman, Disciplinarians (not pictured)

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

A Trio of Rants

The Biggest Lie of the Early 21st Century

“Your call is very important to us.” Bull! If it was that important, someone would pick up the damn phone in the first place.

And while we're on the subject...Earth to pathetic optimists: Calls are only important when they benefit the person being called. Calls from friends, family or from parties offering me gigs are "very important to me". But if you’re calling to ask for money or beg me to hire you to perform a service I don’t need in the first place, your call is "not important to me". In fact, I can think of ten things I’d rather do than talk to you, and one of them is cleaning the bathroom.

I Got Laid Off and I’m Better Off

I was a ‘victim’ of the Great Purge of 2009. I spent 21 years at a financial services firm and I loved it. But face it, working for the same company that long can make you fat and lazy if you’re prone to inertia, like I am. Since I hadn’t taken a vacation in 6 years, I was relieved when they kicked my butt out the door. I spent last summer looking for work and hanging out with my pals. That hogwash about how looking for work should be your full-time job is one of the biggest fairy tales of the decade. Since there’s always going to be someone smarter, younger, or willing to work cheaper than you, you might as well enjoy your time off, spend money sparingly, and become acquainted with all the folks you’ve been neglecting over the past few years. Look for work, but don’t kill yourself doing it. 

When the right job came along I grabbed it. Even though I’m making a fraction of what I earned at the financial joint, I am a little less fat and a lot less lazy, and what’s wrong with that?

Those Annoying Cell Phone Talkers

I was riding the train trying to read the Chicago Tribune but couldn’t get past John Kass’s first paragraph. Not that John wasn’t entertaining that day, but there was a loudmouth paralegal gabbing on a cell phone right in front of me going on and on about some boring court garbage that I couldn’t care less about. Miss Blabberpuss treated the entire train car to a long, dull one-sided drone, and that’s part of the reason why I wrote the song Cell Phone.

A line from the song: Well, you talk on the train and standing in line, I’d like to shove that phone where the sun don’t shine! Hear the whole thing on YouTube. It’ll be posted to my channel in the near future: